Pew Reservations & Other Church Satire

I know where I’m picking!

City / State
Church Name
Reserve
Parking

Close to sanctuary
Close to exit

Reserve Pew

Front Right
Front Left
Middle Right
Middle Left
Back Row Right

Back Row Left
Balcony
Next to
sound board

Seating
Preference

Aisle
Away

from hand-raisers
Away
from loud singers
Away
from small children
Anywhere

but near my mother-in-law

You got to love this church humor from Lark. (saw this at Radical Congruency)

This one is also classic:

Jabez book devastates China house churches

BEIJING ‚Äî The Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson, one of the best-selling non-fiction books in the past ten years, has gutted China’s house church movement, say observers.
“Chinese Christians used to sacrifice everything for Christ. Now they only want God to bless them,” says one Chinese elder who has served five prison terms for planting churches. He and others say China’s Christians have “grown soft with navel-gazing” and have lost their tolerance for persecution.
Copies of The Prayer of Jabez began circulating in China in 2001. Many Christians began “talking endlessly about God expanding their borders and keeping them free from pain,” says one Chinese pastor whose weekly prayer meeting shrunk to half its previous size.
“Instead of asking God to strengthen the Chinese church they pray for personal fulfillment. They ignore all the Bible except Jabez,” he says.

Entire article